Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
