I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
