so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
