you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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