my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
