Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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