I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
