I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
