i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
