Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
