I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
