I think i peed on brittanys purse
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
