somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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