It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish you could order shots online.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
