So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
