if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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