If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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