two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
