At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
