so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
