would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
