I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you win again, gameday.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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