My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
