the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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