i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
