White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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