Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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