I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
