He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
