I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
