I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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