Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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