I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
