I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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