She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
