Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
