Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
