Need sex. Gaining weight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
