The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
