i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
