There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
