Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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