Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I cut my penus on the lid.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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