I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
