I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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