I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
