you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
