apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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