I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
