If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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