I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hippo gnu deer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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