I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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