I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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