Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
